BabyCardsNow.co.uk Article | The Pain and Pleasure of Motherhood - Friendships

As well as becoming a new Mum, juggling your home life and career and adapting to changing relationships with your partner, you are also faced with changes in other areas, particularly your social life. Following the birth of a baby, friendships, particularly those who are yet to experience the joys of parenthood may take on a new twist. You have just entered a whole new world which they cannot possibly comprehend. You have joined an exclusive club where membership is only granted when you bear children. Where once you were a fun loving friend, eager to go out and socialise and always fun to hang around, now to your childless friends you have become a crashing bore. They stifle a yawn as they listen to you once again gush with enthusiasm as you re-count for the umpteenth time how little Johnny rolled over for the first time! This may only be a blip in the radar. True friends will always remain close and involved both from an emotional and supportive point of view.

 

A change in friendships also inevitably means your social life changes too. There are no late nights, trips to the cinema are scarce and romantic meals are few and far between. Your social life happens in daylight hours now as oppose to night time. Your life revolves around the playgroup, catching up for coffee with a friend or going to the local shopping centre. When you do yearn to go out, sometimes the lengths you have to go (if there is no local family support) to find a good babysitter can be too stressful to organise. Even if you do manage to get out you find it hard to relax. You stare at the phone wondering when it will ring and eventually the urge to contact the babysitter is too strong to resist and you have to stop yourself from walking into the baby changing rooms when you need to go to the toilet! Rest assured as your baby becomes older going out will become a normal occurrence and you will be able to participate again in guilt free nights out!

 

Your new daytime social life also introduces you to new friends. Many of these will be new Mums like yourself who you meet at playgroup or your mothers group. Many first-time Mums will have similar experiences and stories to share and although it’s great to talk, try to avoid comparisons between babies. Some Mums just love to tell you how little Max is now sleeping through the night at 3 weeks old. They are oblivious to the fact you are shattered by this news as you are constantly up every 3 hours at night and the lack of sleep is taking its toll. You begin to doubt your capabilities as a Mum, you thought you were doing OK but now you are not so sure. Fellow Mums need to learn to take comparisons with a pinch of salt. They happen throughout a mother’s life, at the playgroup, pre-school and when they go to big school so it’s best to learn strategies early on to cope with Mums who love making comparisons. Remember there is no right or wrong way to bring up a child, just your way and you know your child better than most so are in the best position to judge your own progress.