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Then There Were 3!
The arrival of a new baby has just turned your relationship upside down and the dynamics of your partnership change. You both have new roles to adjust to and now there are suddenly three people in this marriage! Dads in particular have to get used to the overcrowding and can often become jealous of the strong bond formed between mother and baby. There is a sense of readjustment and a new pecking order in the family. Whilst Dads may appear jealous, Mums are often possessive when it comes to caring for a new baby and can forget they have a partner who is willing and able to help. Of course, they won’t change the nappy the way you do, or dress them in the right matching outfit but it’s important to let them try. If you isolate Dad’s early on what chance have you got to ask them for help further down the line when you really need it!
It’s important for both parties to acknowledge and accept the changes and find ways to keep your relationship alive. Keeping the relationship alive isn’t necessary all about resuming normal sexual relations since this may be difficult to do in the weeks following the birth. It is about taking some time out to make the effort to say nice things to one another, buy unexpected little gifts and spend some time alone together, just the two of you (no baby talk). Relationships need to be worked on and partners feel noticed and appreciated and although sleep may be the new sex for the moment try and refrain from taking your loving relationship for granted. Love is after all what created your baby in the first place so make the effort to keep it alive. This is important for you as a couple and for your baby. Time together shouldn’t be considered luxury but rather a necessity if the relationship is to be kept strong. All too often couples become stuck in a rut and their lives become consumed by their children. If you fail to set aside time for each other chances are when your children leave home 20 years later it may be quite likely you have very little to say to one another.
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Ask for Help!
Call on one of the most natural resources you have to help – the grandparents! The older generation seem to have a magic way with children. Good grandparents are invaluable. They provide an attentive audience for little ones, appear ever interested and rarely pass judgement. Their approach in life is more sensibly paced, they are experienced and display an aura of calm. They are the ideal babysitters. They can provide a great deal of practical and emotional support and if willing should be encouraged to become involved. Okay, not all grandparents are as idealistic as the ones described above but so what if you don’t have the best of relationships with your in-laws. They may only be babysitting for a few hours and the benefits in the long run for you and your partner far outweighs the downsides. As the two of you spend more quality time together your conversations will return to normal and the obsession with how often your baby has pooped, slept and fed should fade into insignificance.
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